11.12.2009

Wish

Everybody makes a wish for themselves, and so do I.

But this time, I'm making a wish for you:

I wish that you will leave your past behind, drop that baggage and walk on forward to pick up new bags of experiences and take the next train down the happy lane where real joy and happiness awaits you. When you finally reach your destination of your dreams and ambitions and hope, I wish you will find a house where love fills the entire home. I pray that you will heal from your hurt and find a change in yourself to be a light to others and make a change in another person's life as well.

Sealed with sincerity.

Now I will move on with my life and piece together whatever I need to piece together, and find my way back to where I truly belong.

11.11.2009

Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman
SRC
Women in the Role of Nation Building
JW Marriot Hotel 
We went for the luncheon for the launching of Dr Mahathir's new journal.
Here are some photos..
Smart smart everybody..
My style is a bit different..
OOPS!

Everybody, introducing to you UTAR SRC from Petaling Jaya and Sungai Long campus. Handsome boys pretty girls. ^^
Standing (left to right): Wai Tuck, Cassandra, Wen Kit
Sitting (left to right) : Yours truly me Jean, Ms Tee, Pui Mon
Don't we look like a great group of people?  

Well, why so formal??? COME ON EVERYBODY! Give Miss Tee a big hug! HUGZ! Aw.....
Aren't we sweet? Don't talk about the guys.. LOL!

Well, we should take one picture of just Sungai Long and Petaling Jaya SRs. Well, I wonder why are the bosses standing the others sitting?
LOL.. over there, nobody is boss nobody is subordinates.. ^^ Everybody are one group of people who wanted to experience something new... SO everybody, SMILES!!

Sungai Long, wanna take a pic with Ms Tee without me?
Sungai Long : 'OF COURSE! We want you buat apa? SHoo far far! MS TEE!! Come here...' *this is totally made up kay? haha*
Oh well.. Fine.. haha.. here you go! Ka-CHAK!

Aihz... They just love the camera, don't they? Aihz... That's where all my memory went lar.. LOL...
Smile everyone.. Looking real good... Mm hmmmmm... ^^

Well, this time I want to be in the picture!!!
Ms Tee, come here... LOL!
Everybody, smile!
Aww... ain't we sweet? ^^
............................................................

Well, it's just us now!
Pui Mon and Jean
Friends who support one another through every thick and thin
lends our hand to one another for extra strength and reliability
Who listens to one another and upholds one another with sincerity
Stays for one another when things are down
Celebrates with one another when victory comes
Encourages one another when discouragement takes over
Talks to one another when conflict occurs
Forgives one another when mistakes and imperfection exists
Friends..
Thanks gurl!

Enjoy the salmon!!
It's yours....
My treat...
Free..
LOL!

11.10.2009

Did I do anything wrong since the beginning? What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment that tortures every single part of me, emotionally, physically and mentally?

What is wrong with you? Why are you like that? Are you happy only when you finally push me to the brink of my sanity? Are you only contented when you finally see me collapse right in front of you?

What do you want? Who do you think you are? Are you the one who controls my life? Are you the one with the most power on earth that whoever does not follow your wants and orders and plans will have to die?

When only will you learn that people are not always perfect and as good as you think? When only will you learn to forgive people? When only will you learn to be normal and be open-minded? When only will you stop being such a jerk that only causes people pain and confusion and headache?

What on this damn earth do you think you are doing now? Do you even think you are any better than anybody? Do you even think that you are in anyway more matured than anybody else? Have you ever thought of what exactly was the wrong and mistake you made and put and effort to patch things up? Did you even try to be fine? Did you even try to let things go? Did you even try to change yourself and stop expecting people to change for you? Do you know that this world does not evolve around you? Do you even realise that you are no better than anybody else?

Is it that when you finally lose it only you want to appreciate it? When will you see that people do make mistakes? When will you see that sincerity I have to help you and treated it like rubbish and dust and threw them away with one simple throw?

Do you even know so many things that you do not even know?

Try to think for others in return, and put yourself in another person's situation and think for them. Maybe you will understand every single situation. Maybe only will you understand that you are not always right and I am not always wrong, and vice versa.

Maybe it is time you learn to think.

11.06.2009

當初都是因爲我,都是因爲我,才會造成有今天這樣的結局。

如果當初我能沒那麽幼稚,沒對你說出不該說的話,沒對你說出可能傷到你的話,沒對你冷漠的對待,或許今天我們都還會是好好的。都是自己的錯,都是自己太情緒化。

我現在只能盡我最後一次的能力,只想再給多一次機會,希望能挽回我們曾經都很珍惜的那段友情。但若真地做不到了,那我也該悄悄地走開。 不想給大家任何的壓力,讓大家能夠在舒服的環境下完成這次的大型活動。但就希望沒有那個必要。

想說的,到時就會說完出來;想請求原諒的,到時候就會請求;需要放開的,到時候希望我們都能放得下,放得開;有需要原諒你的,已經原諒了。

到時候,希望我們都會盡力,不要讓難得當上朋友的緣分給丟了,放棄了。

到時候,希望我們都會勇敢,希望我們會以快樂的歡笑把不快樂得從前給淹蓋了,給抹去。

到時候,希望我們都能夠明白,當初,原來當朋友就是最幸福的。過了一些時候,才了解原來真的是那樣,原來你也說的對。是自己太固執,太幼稚。知道錯了,但不知道是不是太遲了。

到時候,希望我們都能為對方實現身為朋友陪伴在身旁的承諾,我們三個朋友,一同攜手走完這一段路程。

到時候。。我現在只能這樣希望了。希望我真的不需要讓我們從三變二。

朋友。。不想再失望了。。

11.02.2009

I have tried my very best, so now it's all up to you.

I gave my effort, but if you don't accept it, then there is nothing much I can do. I cannot promise anything anymore, and within official matters, I will remain who I am, and other than that, personal matters I will keep aside.

Only God knows what will be the true ending, and I have given my best and done what I could. Only God knows what will happen next, either for the better or for the worst.

Square one or move forward, it's now your call.

I felt like shit.. And am still feeling like shit..

Why am I such a fool? Who am I to think that I could change you? Me?

At this point of time, I recall back what I have said to you, when I said I promise you that I will stay and help you. To be honest, I must be crazy.. I think I have been. Who am I trying to fool here with all those stupid things and promises?

It's my fault to blame that I only realised things were too late when the hurt was already too great. Thinking that maybe this time I could make that difference, but I must have been joking, just that I did not realise it was a joke.

I don't care if you read this or not, you are by far one of the worst I have came across and one of the worst I have tried to help and which at the end of the day I am the one who has to hurt more than you who claims that you are hurt! You are ridiculous, I am ridiculous.

We broke out from square one, now we brought things back to square one. Whatever that you say now, to me everything is just stupid words that comes out from you. No longer can I trust you in anything and with anything, and I know that I harbour hatred and anger towards you and this extra slash is difficult to mend.

Everything all around me now is killing me. If people can understand in what situation I am in, maybe things would be different. But I have my past, I have conditions I am ashamed of and which I cannot tell. Don't ask me to share anything which I do not want to, for I have the right to choose. And if you really intend to support me since the beginning, you wouldn't have disappointed me and discouraged me. You only did one, and you are already complaining. Do a few continuously, and maybe you will be able to feel how I felt when I was already tired and strained enough and now you are expecte to strain yourself even more. I also have a life. You have many things on your hands, and so do I. I have my mistakes, and so do all of you. If you cannot forgive, I cannot say much. But no matter how, this is how I truly felt - I have been battling ALONE.

Maybe it was just my sensitivity, and my inability to see. I feared so much, and worried so much that I really cannot hang on there. I am not as strong as certain people, I was cut out to be the worst in history. If you are looking into a perfect leader in me, I am sorry to disappoint you because no matter how I am still a human and I am still trying to learn to make the right decisions even if it is going to take me a whole life to do so.

Maybe someday I will be able to be happy again and know exactly what I am doing. Till now, I am still wondering and frantically searching.

And to you who have hurt me, we are truly back to square one. Hopefully someday things will turn to be better. You have gone too far and it was too much.

10.20.2009

My gift

It was merely a foolish sacrifice.
But still, a sacrifice might bring a change.
And this change might give the one a better life.
I don't know how long will it take,
I don't know what the end will be like,
but I just hope for the best.
When I finally can pass the baton,
I will.
It was merely a foolish sacrifice,
but yet, though foolish it is,
it is worthwhile.
Till the end comes,
I will stay right behind,
right behind to be counted on.
I will hold,
I will mend,
I will care,
I will create.
This is a promise.
A promise I made for the first time,
and intend to keep for the last time.


Hands were made to hold a person when he or she falls,
to give a hug when comfort is needed,
to give a pat on the back when encouragement is needed,
to type a message when enlightenment is needed.
My hands will always be there,
ready to hold you when you fall,
ready to hug you when you need comfort,
ready to give you a pat on the back when you need encouragement,
to type you a message when you need enlightenment.

10.18.2009

4am

Sunday morning,4am.
We were there till 4am.
We talked, we shared, we discussed.
There was a time we could not work together,
a time we could not speak to one another,
a time where we could not face one another.

However,
on a Sunday morning,
we sat together,
we talked to one another.
We tried to understand one another,
we appreciated one another.

It was this.
It was just this one thing.
It was just one simple step.

I do not want to keep being that way.
I wanted to keep aside.
To keep people's flaws aside,
and look at the beauty which they possess.
I needed to change. 
I learned that everybody is different,
that everybody is beautiful.
I tried to change.
I put aside my pride,
put aside my ego.
At least,
things are turning around.

We talked about love.
We talked about the past. 
We talked about the conditions of our heart.
We talked about hurt.
We talked about decisions.
But the most painful of all in which we spoke was - Love. 

Love..
It can be sweet like honey but yet poisonous like venom.
But it all takes the sacrifice.
It all takes the commitment.
The feeling is for a moment,
but the decision is yours to make,
the commitment is yours to take.
Taking it up was easy,
but now to put it down is difficult.
When betrayal strikes,
when chances were taken for granted,
when you thought that was right but it was not.
The hurt, unbearable,
the pain, undeniable.
One wrong choice after another.
When memories come searching,
when memories become haunting,
when memories don't fade that easily,
the heartache becomes overwhelming.
Commitment,
perseverance,
understanding,
support,
loyalty,
they are really so difficult.
But they come in a package,
you cannot lose anyone of them.
That's when love really is love.
When you decide to be with someone,
when you decide to accept the heart of a person,
a heart as fragile as thin glass.
Some can play,
some cannot.
I cannot.
A heart is not for playing.
The heart is where you lay your life.
Without a heart,
you live without a life.
When a heart is severely scarred,
a heart becomes stone cold.
You know how to love your own life,
why can't you treasure the life of another person as well?
To treasure is not only to prevent murder,
but also to learn to love without a reason,
without too many expectations.
In which relationship people don't get hurt?
In which relationship people don't get neglected?
In a relationship, the normal life still goes on.
A relationship is a gift.
A gift where you have somebody to stay by your side.
A gift where you can count on someone to listen to you when you desperately needs to pour.
A gift where you encounter different emotions and a learning process.

We can cry,
we can give up,
but at the end of the day,
we still cannot close our heart.
As much as I wanted to,
I know I could not.
I can only try to see the brighter side of things.
I lose you today, I will find another.
Another whom I will be able to love more and appreciate.
Another who is better than you who left.
I will find another until I finally find it right.
So many people,
I might meet the wrong one,
but through the hurt and pain encountered,
I will learn to love the next better.
Love, a God-given gift to all mankind,
we cannot give up loving.
We may walk the paths where we will remember the past,
the memories once sweet to our hearts but now aching us,
but we will look forward,
we will not give up,
we cannot give up.
We need to be stronger,
we need to learn to love better.
Do not sigh over things that are gone,
but start looking forward for things that are to come.
Sighing over the past,
looking backwards,
it stumbles us in holding on to what's better.
Just like driving on a highway,
you cannot look back,
you have to keep looking forward.
You have a destination,
you want to go to somewhere better.
You need to reach a place.
You cannot look back.
When you look back,
you might run into something which you could have prevented from doing so,
you might miss the turning to where you wanted to go.
If you keep thinking of looking back,
you will lose even your life for not driving with full concentration.
Things in life were not made to move backwards,
we build things and invented things,
and almost everything goes forward.
Cellphones become trendier and with more functions,
and we don't invent things to go back to stone age writing on stone tablets.
Cars are driven forward,
cars are never driven backwards on a highway.
People have eyes on the front,
nobody have their eyes on the back.
We naturally walk forward,
we don't walk backwards.
So never look back,
never go back,
always go forward.
You will find better,
you will get better.
Time is not everything,
but the willingness to open the heart once more is the key to everything.


I am trying,
I am melting my stone cold heart.
I am taking one step at a time,
and I will look forward.
There's still a long race ahead,
a long run full of obstacles and challenges till the day I really meet the end.
There will be multiple hurts that will come my way,
but let's take that as a blessing.
A blessing to make the heart stronger than before.
Trees without wind won't grow to be strong,
and sometimes as tiny and weak as grasses,
they can still withstand the strong wind that comes.
Let's be that way,
let's learn to see things in another perspective.
Maybe we will learn something,
and not only remember the negative.
Everybody will have a story behind them,
a story which we feel sad when we share,
we feel disappointed when we speak of it,
but that's what makes each person different.
You know why people say life is unfair?
Because they never weigh what they have and don't with other's.
Life is fair.
You have something different, and another person has something different.
You were not given something, and the other person is not given something else.
Because everybody cannot have the same things.
If everybody has the same things,
nobody will be able to help anybody when something different happens in our life.
Life is full of surprises,
anything can happen any moment.
We need people's experiences to comfort and help us through,
and things change rapidly.
And if everybody has the same thing,
nobody can help anybody.
And if everybody has everything,
we do not have the ability to hold on to the responsibilities of what we have and we should do with it.

Hurts are part and parcel of life,
we just have to learn to embrace it.
The more we fight with it,
the more pain we get.
If we learn to embrace it and learn from it,
we will know how to let it go and live beyond it.
Time will teach,
experience will teach,
people will teach.
Love,
never an easy thing,
be it between lovers or family.
But that's a gift.
That's how we learn to grow.
It's for you to learn from it.
Think about it..
everything that comes with it,
let it be a gift from heaven,
given to all mankind for the better.
It is a gift,
A gift.

Till 4am,
we were there till 4am,
let 4am on a Sunday morning be a turning point for all of us.

4am,
that was another gift heaven sent.